Monday, September 17, 2012

A Tribute to the Nostalgia Critic

Note: Some of the videos included here might feature foul language. However, the Critic is a pretty uncensorable personality, and I wouldn't want to, especially for first-time viewers. Enjoy! - Zack


He remembered it so we don't have to. We all grew up with bad movies. Some we all know, some we've never seen. Yet he still braved them all, often descending into madness or furious anger. He was the Nostalgia Critic.


In 2007, Doug Walker posted an energetic review of Michael Bay's Transformers. Out of that video came a new character: the Nostalgia Critic. From there, he began producing videos that examined films and TV shows from the early '80s to the early '00s. After YouTube kept pulling down his videos, Walker started his own website titled "That Guy With The Glasses". Other Internet critics - such as the comic-book reading Linkara; the anime-loving JesuOtaku; and the female movie-targeted Nostalgia Chick - soon joined him.


Often, the Critic would be driven to yelling and screaming about something horrible he had just seen. Most notably, his vitriolic reaction to the "Bat Credit Card" in Batman & Robin soon became a running joke throughout his episodes. At conventions, whenever a fan would purposely drop the "Bat Credit Card" line, Walker would scream, jump off the stage and chase after them. All in fun, of course. He would often be vilified by his most obnoxious Internet troll, Douchey McNitpick (also played by Walker), who would bring the Critic to task about mistakes made in his videos.


Then came his yearly specials celebrating the anniversary of the creation of the site. These were mini-movies featuring most of the critics featured on TGWTG.com. It started with 2009's TGWTG Team Brawl, a mindless "Peter vs. the Chicken"-style fight between the Critics of TGWTG and the Angry Video Game Nerd and his crew; 2010's Kickassia, where the Critics took over a small country and 2011's Suburban Knights, where the Critic lead the TGWTG gang on a fantastical journey to find an ancient device that, in the wrong hands, could wreak havoc.


Then came 2012's To Boldly Flee. This was a take on the sci-fi movies we all love. Among the referenced movies were Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, Flight of the Navigator and the Star Wars films. A week before the first video was posted, the Nostalgia Critic released an interesting review of the 2002 live-action Scooby-Doo film. He seemed so destitute and flat-out angry that it actually took him five minutes to start the actual review and he was even joined with his past and future selves. This was something far beyond him just hating a bad movie.


"Is this really life? No! This isn't life! This isn't anything even representing life! But it's life for me! It's pretty pathetic, but it's all I got! I know what you're saying, 'Oh, well, that's pretty sad.' Well, yeah, it is fucking sad! I don't get to go out and hang with friends, I don't even have any friends! I have nobody to contribute anything to, I have nobody to talk to, or bounce things off of, or say, 'Hey, what'd ya think of that?' 'Well, I'll tell ya what I think of that'. No, it's just me. Bitching and moaning like I always do."


The video ended with a nod to the final episode of "Star Trek: The Next Generation". We didn't think much at it at the time. We assume everything would be back to normal after To Boldly Flee. Right? He'd always be back. In the final part of To Boldly Flee, the Critic finds himself in our world and meets his creator, Doug Walker. Walker tells him that he's "...literally leapt off the page and taken on a life of [his] own. It became less of me writing [him] what to do and [him] telling me what to write". In the end, the Critic sacrifices himself to save not only his fellow critics but also his reality. Walker announced in a video released the next day that the weekly "Nostalgia Critic" show was finished. He hinted that the character was not dead and would return in one form or another someday.


Of course, I was heartbroken when I heard this. The Nostalgia Critic was something I looked forward to weekly, even if I hadn't seen the movie he was reviewing. The movies that he did get me to watch after seeing his reviews include Howard the Duck (alright, it was Hunter Duesing that finally got me to watch it), Godzilla, Last Action Hero, Suburban Commando ("I WAS FROZEN TODAY!"), The Room, The Thief and the Cobbler and Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2. In honor of his memory, today I'm gonna run down my Top 11 Favorite Reviews of his. Why Top 11? "Because I like to go one step beyond."

11. Super Mario Bros.


This was a 1993 live-action feature film that had practically nothing to do with the video game it was named after. And boy, did the Critic not let us forget it! He memorably misinterprets the true nature of the Mario brothers. He discusses the "implosion" of Dennis Hopper's career (which, technically, isn't true considering Hopper was still acting up to the point of his death). But it's true that Hopper is clearly not giving any kind of good performance. It is highly disappointing that this film failed at the box office. Nintendo has characters that could so easily work in movies; preferably in animation. Hopefully, Wreck-It Ralph will be Nintendo's wake-up call to join into making animated movies. It's shocking to see the Critic so calm here compared to his later videos (up until the "Mario Mario" sequence).

Favorite line: "Well, for starters, the graphics in the game are actually better than the graphics in the opening; that's strike one. Koopa as a human being instead of a dragon; that's strike two. And two Italian plumbers are played by a British man and a Latino. And that's strike three... Five minutes into this movie and it already has three strikes against it!"

10. Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue


If all your favorite cartoon characters got together, what would you imagine they'd take about? Odds are, whatever you may answer won't be what they do talk about: drugs. We're a long way away from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. The Critic delves into this 1990 half-hour PSA against drugs with great relish... until he finds out what they're really there for. He notes at how the special itself is almost like the product of a drug-fevered dream. He does admire the puff of smoke voiced by George C. Scott. This also marks the first time that the Critic has attempted suicide, to no avail. Note: the Critic's trademark tie has yet to be added to his attire.

Favorite line: "Why does Bugs Bunny know what a joint is? Bugs Bunny shouldn't know what a joint is! If Bugs Bunny knows what a joint is, that means he knows what drugs are! If Bugs Bunny knows what drugs are, that means the rest of the Looney Tunes know what drugs are! If the rest of the Looney Tunes know what drugs are, then that explains too... much!"

Honorable mention: "Corey thinks about telling her father, but he's too busy being an alcoholic. And gay. And the Brawny man."

9. Judge Dredd


In the weeks before the highly-anticipated Dredd reboot, we mustn't forget why it exists in the first place: because the first shot from 1995 was chock-full of problems. This is one of the rare movies that the Critic just has fun making jokes about rather than getting upset with. Sylvester Stallone and Rob Schneider may be the most implausible hero/comic relief in cinema history. I gotta say though, I love that gun that Dredd uses that can essentially do anything (which the Critic gleefully exploits). He points out the decent production design that hardly gets used in the film. It's good to see the Critic NOT hate a film once in a while. Even though Dredd might turn out to be an infinitely better movie than Judge Dredd, it's not worth passing by without seeing at least once.

Favorite line: "(as Dredd) 'I smell desperate comedy.'"

8. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace


This was the first crossover with Linkara, another critic on the site TGWTG.com. He and the Critic have a great banter together, and they're gonna need it to review the absolute worst Superman movie from 1987. Personally, I feel the only two good things worth watching the movie for are the performances of Christopher Reeve and Gene Hackman. Though they're in a terrible movie, it's just good to see them together again. If the annoying Jon Cryer could shut up for a few minutes in the background. I think Reeve misinterpreted what Superman CAN do and not what he SHOULD do. Superman SHOULDN'T be trying to do what only humans should do: rid the world of nuclear weapons (or not). I like the "International Politics" game show they have in the middle of the review. This is probably my favorite crossover that the Critic ever did (and they would later rejoin again to talk about Star Trek Insurrection).

Favorite line: "(as Clark Kent) 'I'd just like to kill you now, Lois.'"

7. Santa Claus: The Movie


From the producers of the Superman films, the origin story of Santa Claus. Featuring the Big Lebowski as Father Christmas, Arthur Bach as his Head Elf and Reverend Shaw Moore as Dr. Evil. It may be bad, but it's real interesting. This 1985 movie has a tad of a depressing opening, but soon it moves out into modern times where we meet our scenery-gnawing villain, B.Z. (John Lithgow). Acting just doesn't describe it. He simply went mad on set and they were fortunate enough to use it within the context of their narrative. It's certainly no an unorthodox movie, but Lithgow's evil laugh kills me every time. I can not watch him with a straight face. The Critic does a fine job of pointing out what's wrong with the film, but also pointing out the dramatic moments he likes.

Favorite line: "'(as Santa) Alaka-child abduction!'"

Honorable mention: "But Lithgow heard that incredibly forced sneeze..."

6. Blank Check


This is one of the movies I did watch growing up, when it was released in 1994. Back then, I didn't know it was a Disney ripoff of Home Alone, and now I can't watch the movie without that in the back of my mind. The Critic points the horribly douchey father (James Rebhorn) of Preston Waters. He also seems to have trouble controlling... himself... whenever Shay (Karen Duffy) is onscreen. The Critic bravely explains why he makes the first posthumous Michael Jackson joke. While I can still enjoy the movie, the Critic makes a few good observations under the guise of teaching a class on how to make a bad, studio-pleasing movie.

Favorite line: "Did the film score just gasp?"

5. The Thief and the Cobbler


The Critic is less angry about this film in particular and more angry about the the great animator, Richard Williams (most famous for his work on Who Framed Roger Rabbit) who was essentially thrown off the very project he was in charge of. He reviews the most-hated version of the film, the 1993 edition altered by Miramax Pictures and which involves the voices of Matthew Broderick and Jonathan Winters. The Critic even gets posthumous phone calls from the voice of the villain of the film, the great Vincent Price (actually voiced by Doug's brother, Rob). Price proves to be a bit of a jerk, toying with the Critic's mind. While I can agree that Broderick's performance is a tad bland, I actually can enjoy Winters' pop culture referencing Thief. The Critic despises this version of the film, but points viewers to the fan-made "Recobbled Cut" which they believe is closer to Williams' version than what we eventually got.

Favorite line: "('Vincent Price') 'One, two, skip a few, fifty!' (BOOM) 'Oh, I love it when I'm nasty.'"

4. The Top 11 F-Ups Trilogy


Alright, I'm aware this is a tad of a cheat, but the Critic has done it himself every once in a while. These are the episodes of the series where Douchey McNitpick (Walker himself) confronts the Critic and his numerous mistakes featured in his videos. Among them are "The secret passageway in Bebe's Kids isn't impossible", "How DARE you make fun of Mako", "That wasn't a Victorian dress in Superman IV", "9+9+9=27", "Don't review the movie if you haven't seen the show", "Soran couldn't fly into the Nexus" and "Let's Play Bart's Nightmare". I'm glad Doug was able to jokingly acknowledge his detractors in a non-offensive way and have some fun in the process.

Favorite line: "Yeah, this is about as embarrassing as it gets. Even simple first-grade math seems to slip my radar sometimes."

3. Good Burger


I can't be too judgmental about this movie, considering its writer actually comes from Memphis, TN (my birthplace). Still, out of all the Nickelodeon shows to get a movie, why a 5-minute sketch from "All That"? Who knows? Anyhow, the Critic despises this film by taking apart the dull main character, Ed (Kel Mitchell) and his unlikely friend Dexter (Kenan Thompson), wondering why Godfather actor Abe Vigoda is in the film and the ridiculous dictatorial nature of the rival burger store manager, Kurt (Jan Schweiterman). Is it bad? Sure, but as a kid raised on '90s Nickelodeon, it's always good to see Kenan & Kel together.

Favorite line: "But how's a frail old man like Abe Vigoda gonna get out of there -- (Vigoda jumps out a window) And that's the last we ever saw of him. (THUMP) (as Vigoda) 'It's ok, I landed on the fat kid!'"

2. Godzilla


What happened to the Critic's beard? In another review, the Critic explains that he lost a bet regarding the 2008 Presidential election with Ask That Guy and Chester A. Bum (both characters played by Walker). In reality, Walker had played the Joker for Halloween and necessity involved a razor. Here, he discusses how the 1998 Roland Emmerich film which placed the world's most well-known movie monster in a new setting. How well could a German director tackle an American feature featuring a Japanese monster? Answer: not well enough. I must admit, the more times I see this movie, I actually don't mind it. Yeah, I know, blasphemy. I just like its mindless action scenes. As a Godzilla movie, yeah it's pretty bad. But so much around it is terribly enjoyable. The Critic does defend his favorite critics, Siskel and Ebert, as they unfairly spoofed within the movie as a sleazy mayor and his dirtbag yes-man. One of the great running gags of the series involved Matthew Broderick saying the line, "That's a lot of fish." The Critic ends by warning viewers not to watch Emmerich's then-current 2012. 

Favorite line: "Okay, wait a minute. Nancy Cartwright, Harry Shearer, Hank Azaria -- Is this just a 'Simpsons' reunion?"

1. The Commercials Trilogy


Alright, alright, I know. This is a huge cheat. But it's my list, go make your own! I love seeing these old commercials (even if I only grew up with a few of them). The first part follows-up on the depression the Critic faced after getting a phone call from the "director" of My Pet Monster and re-examines his life by watching nostalgic commercials; the other two parts are just a return to form. Notable commercials include "Crossfire", "Connect 4", "Transformers", "Hi-C Ecto Cooler", different "Fruity Pebbles", "NERF Arrow Storm" and the "Wunder Boner".

Favorite line: "(regarding the laughable Giggles commercial) Turn the gas off! Turn the gas off!"

Well, that was my Top 11 Favorite Nostalgia Critic Reviews! I hope you enjoyed them and feel free to leave your favorites in the comments below. In conclusion, I again say that I am heartbroken that the Nostalgia Critic is no more, but he left us with a great list of episodes we can look back on. For what is it to critique something nostalgic? That in itself means different things to different people. And perhaps that's why he endured for so long. Doug, if you're reading this, thanks so much for your time and effort and I can't wait to see what you do next.


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